feministsfuck:

I just realized that I should have worn green today! That’s why I didn’t win any swag!

I had a really wonderful time at Catalyst Con this weekend. I am not yet a sex professional, so at times I felt like a fraudulent participant in the sexual fray. I also didn’t know anyone, which was both liberating and lonely for this introvert. But I learned such invaluable, wonderful, exciting things, both concrete and intangible, and I have a few cool new experiences under my belt. I feel like this was my official “coming out” as a wannabe sex professional, though I’ve said as much to some friends and family members - this was me saying to all the fucking awesome and established sex professionals here that, yes, I belong here, I belong among your ranks. Or I will, someday. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to be here, and for the wealth of knowledge that was shared with me.

Highlights from #CCON:

Saturday:

• Suzann Larsdotter and Malinda Flodman, “The history of sex education in Sweden and the development of sex ed for Swedish queer women”: Oh, so fantastic! I think this actually might have been my favorite presentation, and that’s saying a lot. It was just so sincere and charming. It made me pretty sure that I do, in fact, want to move to Sweden. I learned that sex education is developed by the government and it is mandatory in schools - furthermore, unlike in the U.S., it must be accurate and factual. I learned that almost nobody, including lesbians, uses dental dams. I really want a copy of this awesome youth sex ed book (translated images here). Lastly, I learned how to say “cunt” in Swedish: fitta. 

• Quetzal Francois and Darcy Allder, “Making Comprehensive Sex Education into Inclusive Sex Education”: Saying that some people have “more flat-shaped bodies” and some people have “more pole-shaped bodies” is a great way to avoid excluding people by conflating anatomy with gender. When you discuss things, such as menstruation, talking about it from the anatomical side of things (“the uterus,” rather than “the woman’s body”) is great, for the same reason (not all women have a uterus; not all men do not). Do research on your audience. Pre-tests and asking questions to start gauges knowledge and interest levels. I got my first ever shot at presenting sex education to an audience of more than one, and it was terrifying and fun!

• Charlie Glickman, “How to Be a Top Presenter”: So many good quotes from this session. “Please turn your phone on vibrate. Put it somewhere interesting if you like; that’s up to you.” “When you’re in front of a room, you are topping the room.” “You’ll be surprised at how much you know, that you think you don’t know, because you’re not confident that you know it.” “The world will be a better place when more men take it up the ass.” There was a lot of cheering when he said that last one. I thought his tips on how to create and deliver presentations were great!

• Tristan Taormino, Sinnamon Love, Dylan Ryan, Constance Penley, Mireille Miller-Young, “Feminist Porn: The Politics of Producing Pleasure”: Pleasure is political. Porn needs to stop making porn for just those who keep buying it - they need to do market research to find out what those who aren’t buying might buy instead, like any other product. Most porn depicts sex happening TO women, not WITH them - we want to see women engaged and having fun. “Feminist” is the exact right word and movement for this porn (as opposed to “humanist,” fuck that shit). No other word has the right political charge. And I bought The Feminist Porn Book to read on the plane. Tristan signed it!

• I attended a live recording of Sex Out Loud with Tristan Taormino and her guest, Felice Shays. I almost immediately got a crush on Felice, in no small part because she talks passionately and intelligently, in that sexy low voice, about rough sex. I’ll share the podcast when it comes out! I couldn’t ask any questions because I was too turned on to come up with anything interesting.

• I resisted my headache and my introversion in order to attend Dirty Bingo with Ducky Doolittle, which was so weird and so fun. I wish I’d won one of those amazing prize packs, though! There were huge, epic dildos, and butt plugs, and floggers, and flavored lubes, and more. I know I don’t need more sex toys, but I want them just the same. Some of the Tantus toys that were won that I wanted: Thwack flogger; Juice plug (apparently can actually juice a lemon!); Anaconda dildo.

Sunday:

• I used the soft pink Sportsheets blindfold I got in my swag bag last night to block out the light from my hotel window. I slept really well.

• Ava Mir-Ausziehen, “What’s So Special About Sex?”: Ava’s thesis was that there should be nothing special about sex - it’s “specialness” is problematic, it “others” it, and it shames people for not being good at it or not caring about it as much as some other people. It should be treated like an intrinsic, everyday human thing, like exercise or eating. Just as we hire personal trainers and chefs, we could still hire sex professionals. Good point: “We feel liberated and radical when we talk about sex, but that does not make us radical on its own, and it does not always lead to liberating action.” Concluding analogy: No one should be forced to learn to prepare, or to eat, a gourmet meal if what they really want and are happy with is a microwave burrito. A lot of this talk resonated with me, although I do really love the whole spectrum of sexual expression - from the mild to the ostentatious.

• Marcia Baczynski, “Language Matters: How to Speak Sex-Positivity So That People Listen”: WHOA. Amazing presentation! Halfway through, I realized that Marcia was the first presenter I’d seen to go without a microphone, and I hadn’t even noticed because she projected so well. I learned so much from this presentation about how to frame a debate and how to use the right language for my audience. Quote: “We talk about penetration. We could talk about engulfment. Two different words, same activity.” Important takeaway: the #1 thing you can do to make people listen: listen to them first. What do they want? Use their language.

• I shared some stories about my sexual history with The Pleasure Chest. Immediately after we were done filming, I thought of several better stories I might have told! But I’m sure anything I told them, or would have told them, is pretty vanilla in comparison to what others shared.

• I made a mask with ArtPulp!

• The closing keynote was fascinating and poignant, presented by Carol Queen and her longtime partner, Robert. “Everyone is a sex educator because we all teach those around us about sex, relationships, and love.”

I can’t believe it’s over already! I’m already looking forward to more. Maybe CCon West in September?